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By DGML member Salem, from DGML 265356, a discussion that wandered a LONG way from its original topic but involved speculation on what Agent Ivan was up to…
Excrementals, or Golgothans
Lesser Servitor Race
Excrementals are a type of assassin, summoned using the Summon Excremental spell (see below). Special binding techniques are used for Excrementals (see "eat shit or die" below). The spell Summon Excremental can be found in a number of obscure old grimoires (Keeper's discretion if it is available to player characters) - certainly not any of the major Mythos texts, such as the Necronomicon or De Vermiis Mysteries. One known source of the spell is in the ritual techniques that Jessop McCorckingdale appended to the translation of the Stravinski Codex he prepared in 1976.
The Summon Excremental spell can only be preformed after dark in the vicinity of a large quantity of physical waste (excrement…shit) of the type of life form which the Excremental is to kill. If it is to kill a cow, then a manure filled barnyard is adequate. Since Excrementals are usually used to kill humans, the spell must be cast near an outhouse, septic tank, sewage treatment facility, or some similar accumulation of solid human waste. Many Excrementals were summoned in the Holy Land during the years of Roman occupation, and the chosen site for such casting was the Hill of Golgotha, where the Romans crucified to death many people. As they died, their bowels would empty, and Golgotha was known to have large quantities of excrement on it. This gives an Excremental their other, more poetic name, Golgothans.
During the casting, the black magician preforming the spell cannot be any further from that quantity of solid human waste than his or her SIZe score in yards/ meters. The spell Summon Excremental takes a number of minutes to cast equal to the SIZe score of the summoned Excremental, divided by 5. Every five SIZe points that the summoned Excremental is to have costs the spell caster one (1) Magic Point. The spell caster may be assisted in the casting, with each assistant able to contribute 1d6 Magic Points - enough helpers allow very large shit elementals to be summoned.
The black magician may choose to offer a sacrifice, to enhance the spell. If a sacrifice is to be made, that victim must be drowned in the shit which the spell caster cannot far stray from during the ritual. Each sacrifice donates all of it's Magic Points to the summoning, and the eventually summoned Excremental will have a number of SIZe points, at minimum, equal to 50% of the sacrifices SIZe. Multiple sacrifices allow large shit elementals to be summoned. The spell has a chance of successfully summoning an Excremental equal to the number of Magic Points spent to summon the Excremental multiplied by two (2). Every helper increases the chance for the spell to succeed by a flat 5%.
Excrementals look like overweight humans, with horns and/ or pointed ears, formed out of excrement…shit. They can speak, in a low, guttural voice, which they will do to learn who they are to kill. Most Golgothans are roughly human sized, although there is no reason why a colossus of feces twenty or thirty feet tall cannot be summoned. The form of a Golgothan is muddy. They will leave footprints of shit, and their mass oozes and runs about. Of course, since they're made out of shit, Golgothans smell incredibly bad.
When the Excremental requests it's assignment, the principle spell caster must present it with some item intimate to the person it is to kill, so that the shit elemental may identify it's target. This intimate object may be a hair brush, favorite pair of underwear, or cherished stuffed toy, but the best foci are actual bits of the target, like hair from that hair brush, or nail clippings, lost teeth, blood or, best of all, the target's shit. This focus doesn't have to be especially large, but it must be substantial enough for the Excremental to use the magical energies inherent to it to identify it's target. A few drops of blood or strands of hair have proven sufficient in the past.
As soon as the Excremental has it's assignment, everyone who participated in the ritual must remove some small quantity of feces from the Golgothan's body and eat it. If they don't, the Golgothan will carry out it's intended hit, then seek out the spell caster(s) and kill them. Thus, if you summon a shit elemental, you'd best be prepared to eat shit or die. In turn, once charged with a mission, a Golgothan will never stop trying to kill that person until and unless the original spell caster(s) voluntarily rescind their commands to it. This is done by speaking to the Golgothan and telling it not to try to kill it's target any more, then plunging one's hand into the muddy, shitty mass of the Golgothan and retrieving the focus that it was given to allow it to identify it's target. The original spell caster can find this focus without great difficulty.
If that target or someone acting on it's behalf can remove the focus from the Golgothan's body, then the Golgothan cannot find it's intended target any more. If this happens, the Excremental will turn on it's summoner(s) and try to kill that/ those person(s). However, removing the focus from the Golgothan's body is very difficult, since foci don't have to be large, and the Golgothan would have to be dismembered to find it. If some one wishes to even try, the Keeper is perfectly justified in called for multiple Luck rolls, and administering substantial penalties. If the original spell caster(s) have eaten shit so they won't die, then the Golgothan won't attack them. Instead, it will run amok, attacking everything near it until it's physical mass is somehow dispersed. This is done by doing damage to it equal to it's SIZe score. Bombs exploding inside the shit elemental do this well, but dumping the Golgothan into running water, or the harbor (for example), work just as well and smell a lot better. If an Excremental can be immobilized for a number of days equal to it's SIZe score, their bodies dry out, and dry shit burns very well. To effectively immobilize an Excremental, bonds having a minimum STRength equal to the Golgothan's must be used.
As soon as everyone who summoned it has eaten some portion of the shit that forms it's body, the Excremental will depart to find it's target. Golgothans have legs, and travel by walking around (Move given in the stats below). However, they can also travel instantly through sewage pipes or other means of moving human solid waste around. For this reason, Golgothans often materialize out of toilet bowls. Golgothans attack physically, and have a number of special effects, as detailed below.
Excrementals will intelligently stalk their victims, and, because Golgothans can control their squishy bodies to a high degree, they can lay some quite ingenious traps. They can flatten themselves out and lie on the ground or the floor as a thin smear of brown goo. They can turn their whole body into a spout or fountain of semi-solid brown foulness, and leap considerable distances, such as a number of feet straight up in the air equal to their SIZe score. Excrementals don't need to eat or breathe, so, as long as they don't move around, which will wash parts of their bodies away, Golgothans can wait for their prey underwater.
Excrementals/ Golgothans
STR: 80% of SIZ
SIZ: 1 point of SIZ per 5 Magic points spent to summon it
INT: 2d6
POW: 40% of SIZ, to a minimum of 5
DEX: 2d6
Move: 6 + 1 per 5 points of SIZ
Attacks:
Type Chance to Hit Damage
punch/ strike with hand DEX X 4 1d6 + (SIZ/ 5)
kick/ strike with foot DEX X 3 1d6 + 1d4 + (SIZ/ 5)
head butt/ strike with head DEX X 2.75 1d4 + (SIZ/ 5)
grapple DEX X 2.5 (SIZ/ 4); note that the Golgothan will try to
submerge it's victim's face in it's own foul mass and smother them. Use the drowning rules. This smothering damage will continue every round until the victim wins a STR vs. STR test against the Golgothan.
projectile of feces DEX X 4 2d6 + (SIZ/ 10); this is the Golgothan's preferred distance attack, to spit a missile of shit or launch one from the palm of it's hand. Excrement missiles cannot impale.
Armor: - impale results cannot be scored against Golgothans, and they take no damage at all from edged or pointed weapons, including gunfire
- their squishy bodies ensure that Golgothans take the minimum possible damage from kinetic energy sources
- unless they have been immobilized for this purpose, Golgothans cannot sustain damage from being burned
- anything that might wash away part of their body mass, such as a fire hose, does 1.5 times the normal damage to a Golgothan
- Golgothans are not really solid, and they can ooze through grates, screens, jail cell bars, or other small openings, if they choose, at their normal movement rate
Spells: There is no reason why a Golgothan cannot use spells, but they rarely do so.
Skills: Golgothans are mere brutes, and have little need for skills
SAN: A monster made out of shit is kind of disturbing, so Golgothans are worth 1d10/ 1d3 SAN